In the days leading up to actress Lindsay Lohan's now infamous probation revocation hearing, anyone bothering to visit her humble abode would have realized the poor dear was headed for prison.
For one thing, her apartment was overflowing with the telltale signs. Empty tequila bottles. Half-eaten Chinese food all over the living room. Nothing but light beer and lemons in the refrigerator. A passed-out guy on an unmade bed, spittle gluing his face to the headboard. Open nail polish bottles littering the vanity.
And some of the most unconventional post-it notes taped to the mirror in her bathroom ...
Disclaimer: This story is based on true events, but otherwise bears no relationship to the truth. The writing style is commonly referred to as satire. Sorry to disappoint anyone who thought they were about to hit the motherload.