Bandanas could be key to Bret Michaels brain hemorrhage mystery

Very classy of third place network NBC to run a voice over for Bret Michaels' recovery after last night's installment of "Celebrity Apprentice." You think they're trying to compensate for treating Conan like scum? It wouldn't be the first time a blood-sucking network flashed its cleavage of humanity.

No doubt about it, Jeff Zucker has got to go.These days, "The Celebrity Apprentice," "Parenthood," "Saturday Night Live" and "30 Rock" are the only reasons I'll play patsy with the peacock. Remember the heydays of "Taxi," "Cheers," and "Seinfeld?" How far the mighty have fallen.

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This morning, I uttered an impromptu prayer for Bret Michaels' speedy recovery. The poor guy is in stable but critical condition at some unnamed Arizona hospital after suffering a brain hemorrhage late last Thursday night. Unable to pinpoint the source of bleeding, doctors are keeping Michaels in the ICU for further observation.

Prayers aside, I have every reason to believe Michaels will be okay. The guy has more lives than a battered ally cat. Even with his hard-drinking rock and roll lifestyle, he's managed to live with Type I diabetes throughout adulthood. Last year during the Tony Awards, a rogue stage prop bashed him in the head, and yet he emerged relatively unscathed. More recently, Michaels weathered his teenage daughter's own diabetes scare while surviving The Donald's harrowing elimination rounds. Top that off with an out-of-the-blue emergency appendectomy earlier this month, and now a mysterious brain hemorrhage. It's like some demonic force is out to ruin his good time, but Michaels keeps bouncing back with a skip in his step eager for another round.

I never sat through an episode of Michaels' popular "Rock of Love" reality show, but I laughed like hell at those SNL parodies. Talented Amy Poehler killed as dim-witted, overly self-confident Amber, the contestant who never quite measured up, despite her bravado. Now, after watching Michaels blossom as the loyal, in your face, wickedly creative, all-around nice guy on "Celebrity Apprentice," there's a gushy spot in my heart for the bandana-clad go-getter.

Speaking of which, other than creating a signature look, are those ever-present head hammocks really necessary? I wouldn't be at all surprised if Michaels sleeps, eats, brushes his teeth, and has sex in those things. He's probably sporting a bandana right now while chilling in the ICU. Some nimrod said he wears bandanas to hide a giant abscess on his forehead, but that explanation resonates like a pile of steaming horse cocky. Clearly, I'm not the only one demanding better answers.

Given Michaels unusual bandana fixation, there must be something more to his quirky fashion statement than meets the eye. Just for a moment, imagine bandanas as the key to Michaels' healthy recovery. What if bandanas somehow caused his brain hemorrhage by cutting off critical circulation? Wouldn't it be cool if Michaels could miraculously reverse the process by dropping them like a one-legged groupie?

I don't know if there's any causal relationship between habitual head fashion and mysterious brain bleeding, but one can never be too careful, especially a guy like Michaels who may be on the last legs of his allotted nine lives. Why chance it? Burn those suckers! Bret Michaels' life may depend upon it.

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