Reckons of Crass Construction

Oh how I love the story tease from infotainment show, Entertainment Tonight.

"George Clooney's Italian I-Do's."

"Academy Awards on the lake."

"Clooney celebration pics from the wedding in Italy."

Just enough to reel you in and make you sit through Mel Gibson's racist tirade.

Clooney married? No way. No how. How could I not have heard about it? I'd been catching up on email and news headlines since late yesterday afternoon. Surely celebrity news of such momentous proportions would have shown up in every gossip blog and tweet this side of the Mississippi.

In the days leading up to actress Lindsay Lohan's now infamous probation revocation hearing, anyone bothering to visit her humble abode would have realized the poor dear was headed for prison.

For one thing, her apartment was overflowing with the telltale signs. Empty tequila bottles. Half-eaten Chinese food all over the living room. Nothing but light beer and lemons in the refrigerator. A passed-out guy on an unmade bed, spittle gluing his face to the headboard. Open nail polish bottles littering the vanity.

If recent awards shows are any indication, Sandra Bullock needs a new man. This year alone, the Academy Award winner hit on Meryl Streep at the Critics' Choice Movie Awards, and at Sunday's 2010 MTV Movie Awards, Bullock re-enacted a love scene from "The Proposal" -- not with co-star Ryan Reynolds, as one might expect -- but with Reynold's very attractive wife, Scarlett Johansson



The shock value of the same sex kiss is alive and well, and coming soon to a theater near you. Dating back to the first homosexual kiss on celluloid, and reinvigorated by Master of Shock, Madonna, with pop proteges Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, the same sex kiss continues to fascinate audiences like no other public display of affection can. From Saturday Night Live parodies, awards show performances, and Larry King Live, to Britain's Got Talent, Marie Clare photo shoots, a Make Homosexuals Marry ad campaign, and Kiss-Cam at the L.A. Staples Center.

On the Internet, as in life, people tend to form opinions about people they don't know in various ways. Two immediately come to mind.

First and foremost, people size up other people by their behavior. As a general rule, behavior is a keen indicator of character although by no means flawless. Carefully crafted speech and actions are the lifeblood of con artists and sociopaths, not to mention toxic acquaintances. One would be wise not to judge a book by its cover unless, of course, there isn't enough time to browse the dollar bin.

Assessing the reputation of friends and associates is another way people decide who to befriend and who to keep at arm's length. Birds of a feather do flock together, meaning, migratory creatures with little in common won't fly south for the winter in a congenial V-formation, and are more likely to peck each others' eyes out if they so much as glance at each other the wrong way.

These days, anyone with a camera crew and air time can become a reality star, sometimes with devestating consequences. Recently, a little Detroit girl lost her life during the filming of a reality police show. Her community is grief stricken.

Now comes Mel B, aka Scary Spice, announcing a new reality show charting everyday life with her and her family. Big whoop. Can't wait to see how they sit around the TV dissing old SNL episodes featuring "Gumby, Damn It," and "Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood." Better yet, maybe Posh and Becks will pop in. I can see it now. Look who dropped by for tea and crumpets. My goodness Posh is ungodly thin! Are she and Mel B comparing fake bosoms or slapping an impromptu body bump ?

Mass proliferation of the reality genre has gotten so bad, it has ordinary shlubs like me thinking we're perfectly capable of conceiving and executing our own reality fare. Makes no difference that our lives are positively boring and nondescript, we also want to cash in before the network money well runs dry.

Very classy of third place network NBC to run a voice over for Bret Michaels' recovery after last night's installment of "Celebrity Apprentice." You think they're trying to compensate for treating Conan like scum? It wouldn't be the first time a blood-sucking network flashed its cleavage of humanity.

No doubt about it, Jeff Zucker has got to go.These days, "The Celebrity Apprentice," "Parenthood," "Saturday Night Live" and "30 Rock" are the only reasons I'll play patsy with the peacock. Remember the heydays of "Taxi," "Cheers," and "Seinfeld?" How far the mighty have fallen.


More Bret Michaels Pictures

This morning, I uttered an impromptu prayer for Bret Michaels' speedy recovery. The poor guy is in stable but critical condition at some unnamed Arizona hospital after suffering a brain hemorrhage late last Thursday night. Unable to pinpoint the source of bleeding, doctors are keeping Michaels in the ICU for further observation.